So I've decided to post my fiction here as well as the actual communities I write them for, just to give myself a kind of base of operations.
It can get a little difficult to keep up, otherwise.
So anyway.

Just a short story focusing on a quiet moment between Hornblower and his First Lieutenant.

Title: Where The Heart Is
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Hornblower, Bush (Undercurrents)
Word Count: 1123

( ...thoughts of home sprang unwarranted and unwelcome into his mind... )

Life on Mars Fic!?

Uh huh. I guess so.

~_~_~_~_~_~_


He’d been wrong.

It wasn’t what he’d thought it would be.

The glory of the fast lane was waning, the thrill of rebellion gone. He no longer tried to hide the pleasure of living hard, living fast.

He no longer tried.
He no longer lived.

The corruption hadn’t abated, hadn’t subsided with his persistent efforts. It had gnawed too deep, eaten and rotted the core of 1973’s policing. Of 1973. He had seen it, when he arrived here the first time, saw it and knew it for what it was. Madness. Deception, decay, delightfully, disgustingly new, old madness. Thrumming through the veins of everything that was supposed to be sane and he’d seen it and god, he’d hated it. Loathed it to the depths of himself but he’d been trapped there. Trapped, and sooner or later that dark madness had bled into his own until he couldn’t recognise the truth of it, until he stopped disliking it. Until he loved it.

Until he gave up everything he’d fought for, tooth and nail, blood and bruises, screaming, weeping, dying, killing fought for. It lulled him down to his knees and up to the rooftop and bade him fly. Bade him jump. Bade him die.

And he did die. Jumped straight back into the madness and let it take him.

And it was good. For an age it was good and real and loud and hard and soft and sweet in every right way.

Until it wasn’t. Until the madness wept it’s way out of him and left something so much worse than what had ever been there before.

There was no way home. There was no home. No family, no old friends, no past, no future. No concept of the present.

The blade was cold in cold fingers. The blood was dark and streaming.

No turning back now.

Something as sweet as sanity overcame him as his eyelids fell heavy and closed.

Something more wretched than madness gripped him when they opened again.

Darkness, tighter and closer and colder than anything he’d ever known wrapped around him, the stale feel of silk about him. The roaring pain and wrongness of a decay no man should ever feel inside and on him.

And all at once he knew where he was.

And he wept.

Through eyes that couldn’t close, couldn’t see, couldn’t cry, he wept. He felt the maggots in his flesh, felt thin skin stretched tight across an unyielding and horrific grin. Felt the weight of earth above him and below him and pressing in on all sides of his oasis of terror and he knew he was home. He knew, he knew, he knew.

And he let a sweeter madness in.

***

When his eyes finally fell closed, he squeezed them shut. Loved the tears that built behind them more than he’d ever loved anything or anyone. When he opened them, looked upon his own unmarred skin and upon the hot, dark stain of his own blood on his own skin, he laughed. Laughed and cried and howled into the insanity.

God.

He’d been so wrong.

First off, due to the gheyities of my computer I never got to update last week and write on and on about just how FUCKIN BRILLIANT Elling was. I mean, it was so genuinely great.
Elling is the main character and the play revolves around his friendship with Kjell and their reintroduction to society from an asylum.
I mean the concept alone is delectable.
Jesus, though. It was so well presented. Every actor and actress was astounding and John Simm was just undeniably brilliant. I don't think he's had a wide enough range of characters on TV to show how capable an actor he really is.
It was touching without being piteous and hilarious without mocking the mentally unstable. You were with Elling all the way. The mysterious, underground poet, E. The sauerkraut poet.
I can't find his poem anywhere though. What is the point in the internet if it fails me so constantly! It was strangely beautiful. Even the line "drunk upon our floor" :D
It's a horrible feeling to know that I can never see it again but so fucking good that I saw it in the first place :)

I was also going to rant here about how awesome Tim Minchin was at the playhouse last night but that'll have to come later. The Elling rant should stand alone.

TV Review

I just watched that BBC one off drama - Coming Down The Mountain - and it was absolutely stunning!

I was with the main character, David, all the way. So much so that I had tears burning behind my eyes a few times throughout and that just never happens with me. I think there was an isolation with him that a lot of people, myself included, would have been able to relate to at some point in their past but even without that I doubt you'd be able to avoid the emotional hold it had on you at some points.

It was so thought provoking too - half the time I didn't know who to sympathise with, David, who had always felt out of the loop because of the responsibility and association that came with having a brother with Down's syndrome and who only seemed to suffer with the consequences more and more, or Ben, the brother inflicted with Down's who, whilst being a burden to his brother, was confined and compromised in his own way. My mum and dad were also talking about how hard it must be for the parents to find a balance of attention and support between the two boys and how difficult it would be to ensure that the "normal" brother got enough of it when in so many ways they'd view him as more capable.

The dynamics of it all were perfect, of course, or else it wouldn't have worked - David could have come across as selfish and rash easily but instead he became as much a victim as Ben even when he was considering, and even in the act of, pushing him off a mountain side.

And the ending of it was lovely too. Brought a smile to my face :D

I know I've never reviewed anything before but this was a one off that a lot of people will have missed and I actually feel lucky to have seen. It was a thought inspiring insight into a situation I've never really given more than a passing consideration to.

Unreservedly Brilliant :D

Heya! A few John Simm background and icons I made after finding some Fantastic! pics over at www.john-simm.com
Check it out!

Anyways, I'm no expert at any of this and I know there's stuff out there a hell of a lot better but if anyone does happen to like anything here, feel free to take it. Please comment either way! I'd like to actually get good at this one day :D

	Ain't Lost John Simm background created with images from www.john-simm.com and with a quote from Life on Mars
	Simm A John Simm background created with images from www.john-simm.com
	A Stabilizing Influence A John Simm background created with images from www.john-simm.com and with a quote from Life on Mars
	Smile John Simm icon created with image from www.john-simm.com.
	Oh but... John Simm icon created with images from www.john-simm.com
	Hello There John Simm icon made with images from www.john-simm.com

Cheers!

Huzzah!
My livejournal is back on track! Finally!

Guess I'll have to see about writing something worth posting now ...... :D

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